his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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