tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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