Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
