Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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