I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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