Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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