Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
