508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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