I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
