I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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