Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
