think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
