I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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