Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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