that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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