I think my vagina is haunted
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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