I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
