Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
