would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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