apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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