hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
