remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
