Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
