Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My ass is underappreciated
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
