Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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