All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
whose parrot is this?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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