Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
