I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
