flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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