we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
