and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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