Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
