alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
