I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
