I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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