Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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