im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
