remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
