Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
