Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
