I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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