This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
