No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
