I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
