You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize