id be glad to
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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