I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
