I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
