I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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