Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
