I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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