I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
