I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
