my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
