I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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