OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
