yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
