remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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