capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
