you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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