I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
