You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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