In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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