I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
