my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
