My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
