So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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