did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
